12:22 am, June 22, 2011

I am still wide awake. There's the revision of my thesis and there's a quiz later this day at around 7 am. I need to quickly decipher the code and start reading 2 chapters of a very, very thick book and possibly try to get some sleep before going to school. I wish I can make it in time. God help me please.

It's April...

Thank You very much, Almighty God from up above watching over all of us! Thank Y-O-U! I passed Pharmacognosy. Thanks! I'm currently completing my internship in a far away place. I live in Quezon City and I'm currently staying at Laguna for internship... though I will be coming home every week. Speaking of which, I will be going to the NMAT tomorrow. Good luck to me. I haven't reviewed anything in particular. I hope I pass with high marks and also there's an assessment test at the place where I'm taking up my internship... I hope I pass that too... with high marks too, if possible. After the NMAT, I believe I'm going back to Laguna to resume internship. I really hope I pass the NMAT and the internship assessment with high scores. That's all I'm wishing for for this month... well... maybe add a little love life, please? Haha! I've been in Laguna for a week already and having my fellow interns chatting on the phone every night has gotten me a little envious already. After all, a fellow intern and roommate of mine is constantly flirting with someone over the phone. I just wished someone of the opposite gender would miss me and call me. (And I will not be like my fellow intern who keeps pestering this guy she claims that she already loves.) I'll just wait patiently and... sanely(?).

Till next time, blogspot. I will miss you in the 13 days left for my internship.

First Post for 2011

It's already 2011... March 2011, if that means anything to anyone at all. For me, it means I've been inactive a lot already. I don't know why either. Inspiration? I have none. Work load? I have that. A whole lot of it but I can't really complain since it is for my future. Well, anyway, I don't know if it comes with age or not but recently, I've been thinking more about my future. Like, what I should or would be doing once I graduate. Or, if I should practice pharmacy once I graduate. Or, venture into business. I don't know but recently, it's been bugging me a lot more than it should be.

This morning while having breakfast with my mom, I suddenly thought... "My mom would be a very successful business woman if she were one." and I told her that. She just said, "I have to sacrifice for you and your brother."... That's when I started thinking, "That means she would've ventured into business and we wouldn't have as many problems with finance than we have now. That also means, me and my brother prevented her from doing so because she'd rather have hardships and time with her kids than have money and no time for kids." So, the whole time on my way to school, I kept thinking... Someday, I'm gonna earn a huge amount of money and let my mom live the life of luxury. But for me to do that, I gotta plan it now. So, I started thinking of random stuff to do once I graduate and what kind of things would help me fulfill my dreams.

First of all, I need to know how to start up my own business, how much I need to start it up and what kind of business I should be doing. So, I've come up with a few ideas. I could venture into community pharmacy and put up my own small pharmacy but then I thought "Mercury and Generics already monopolized the community pharmacy department. I won't earn the money I need for my mom's future luxury." So, I thought, the hospitals no place for me so... I should probably venture into manufacturing. In manufacturing, I thought, I could go through with the random joke I told my friend. To build a manufacturing company JC Manufacturing. It has a nice ring to it. So I've been thinking, what I need for a pharmaceutical manufacturing company, how much I should have to start it up, and what machineries do I need to complete it. There's also the thought of what kind of medicines we would be manufacturing and if we could actually do it.

That sums up my thought for today. It's the future, where we will all head to. But then, here's a little dose of present time wake up call. I hope I pass Pharmacognosy and all my other courses. Oh please, oh please, oh please! That's it for today! I hope I can write again some time soon.

Kaboom at School

Again, I am at school, taking advantage of the free interwebs and blogging. After reading my favorite manga, I immediately thought "What the heck? Let's update the blog." And so here I am right now, writing absolute nonsense on my blog. How touching, isn't it? I have totally no inspiration for writing right now.

Depression(?) has taken place as my birthday draws closer. I wish so much for the day to never come 'cause it just means I get older by a year. I don't want that. Lol. I actually want to turn 16 and not... well... 19. I know it's impossible but it's a free world. I just want to wish it that way.

Utter Irritation

I hate it when I hear arrogant people boast to no end. As they say in Tagalog, "SIge na! Ikaw na!" I just wish they'd stop being such a bitch. Ugh. Hate, hate, hate, hate... absolutely hate!

List of things/people I hate or abhor:
1. Gay people. I don't really hate you, guys/gals. I'm just purely frightened(?) by your very presence.
2. Arrogant people. I totally hate you. You can all just die and make this earth a better place. There's no reason for you to boast. No one is in competition of being you. You are you. Fucking Y-O-U! Your very arrogance and presence ignites my hatred. (Bow)
3. People who keep boasting but they themselves are total failures. They are so f-ing irritating. Sure, you can pretty much boast every now and then but at least make sure you can live up to whatever you said. What kind of stupid idiot goes on saying "I'm this good" and can't even do anything right.
4. People who keep criticizing you but they can't accept any criticism directed at them. Here's a word to all of you, "FUCK YOU! Look at a mirror. IDIOTS!" Sure, I know other people's mistakes are so easy to see and all but at least know your own mistakes. At least accept it when other people point out your faults. It's freaking easy to do. You just gotta listen. Idiots. I totally abhor you.
5. People who think they're so superior to the point that every other person on earth is a caveman/cavewoman. I'd like to see you live in the real world. There's no such thing as a superior human being. You're just being a total idiot. You may have been superior to other people when you were younger but not anymore. You have to know that there are a lot of other people in the world that are way better than you are. Absolutely waaaaaaaaaay better. You're just a spec of dust in a huge office. You're practically garbage to everyone else.
6. Cockroaches. Wow. I can't believe this came in sixth. I would've thought I hated cockroaches more than anyhting else but, alas, I was mistaken. It seems I hate arrogant people more. They gay people are safe. I'm just homophobic, which means I'm just a little scared of them and not really hating them.

Also, a word of thanks to the Lord Almighty.

Thank You, dear Lord. For watching over me. Something might've been stolen from me yesterday if You weren't watching. It was kinda lucky for me. Also, thank You for magically placing my house keys in my bag. I still can't believe it's actually there since I absolutely remember it on my table but thanks anyway. If it wasn't for that, I would've been waiting outside my house for around three hours practically a sitting duck to all the mosquito attacks and I would've witnessed some cat gang rape. Though I did see the start of it but anyway, Thanks.

In School

The new internet section in the library is just spectacular. The operating system of all the computers in the said section is MAC. I am so obviously not compatible with MAC. Basically, I'm a total troglodyte in here. Lol. It's kinda fun to experience new things every now and then.

I kinda like the new OS. It's kinda cool. Also... Some new songs that are kinda echoing in my mind right now. Wedding Dress. It's a Korean song but I like the English version better. Random.

Pain

You may pretend to say that you're numb and that what your family does doesn't get to you but deep down, it seriously hurts like hell. That's how I honestly feel right now. I feel abused, used, and ignored. I don't feel like they're my family at all. I don't feel like I'm part of their family at all. Why? Here are a few reasons...

Firstly, my brother has a 20 word vocabulary homework that's due tomorrow, Monday. He has had this list for a day now. Guess what he does? He goes out Saturday and has fun. Well, I'm at home relaxing and thinking that I could do my homework Sunday. My family comes home around 10ish pm and when I was getting ready to sleep, my brother goes "Shobe, pagawa ng homework ko. Mas magaling ka naman sa akin sa vocabulary eh." (Little sis, do my homework. You're better than I am in vocabulary.) and my mom adds "Onga, shobe. Ikaw na gumawa para pumasa na Ahia mo." (Yes, daughter. You should do his homework. So your big brother will pass."

Someone tell me honestly if that's what a guy with homework should do? Is he supposed to go out and have fun when he knows he's got homework and that he's somewhat mentally challenged? And, someone please tell me if that's what a mother should do?! Telling your youngest child to do her older brother's homework just because he suggested it. He had a whole Saturday to do his homework! He can even do it on a Sunday! Why did I have to do it for him?!

Well, what's done is done. I already did his homework. I finished 3ish pm today but I still haven't started with mine. It's already 5ish pm. I've searched online for mine. Basically, I found some useful stuff but I still have to read it. Guess where my mom and my brother went. They went to the mall. I'm not invited cause my homework isn't done yet.

When I told my mom I wanted to go out to the mall and just stroll or go window shopping, she had the nerve to ask, "Are you through with your brother's homework?" I told her "Yes" and that's when she asks if I had any homework. Talk about favoritism. How special can you make my brother and rub it in my face?! Obviously, I was worried what time we'd come home from the mall so I told her the truth that I haven't even started with mine. She immediately answered with "Oh? Why didn't you do yours? Why did you just go and play when you knew you had homework?"

My already broken heart shattered into even tinier pieces with that last question. I was going to do my homework this morning when I woke up but you told me to do my brother's homework and now you're going out with him to the mall and I'm not allowed to go just because my own homework isn't done yet.

Just as I had accepted the fact that there's no way I'm going to be able to head out for some fresh air today, my ever so loving brother comes into the computer room all dressed up and ready to go asked "Sis, do I look good with my shirt tucked in or should I loosen it out?"

I had the painfullest feeling in my heart to the point where I thought I was numb. I believe my life would've been happier if I wasn't born into this family or if I didn't live in the same house. No one can imagine how much I want to move out of this wretched home. I keep wanting to save up my money but I can't because they already used up all my savings. I'm done to only 1,000 php and that's just my weekly allowance. I can't save up to any more than that. I have officially given up on having a happy life. I dream of dying every now and then. I pray for it a lot more often than before. I believe this is what true emo people feel. I haven't stooped low enough to start slashing my own wrists but I've already begun to think of it.

The very thought of slashing my wrist and watching the blood gush out excites my curiosity. I don't think I'm turning into a full fledged emo person yet but I think I'm almost close. If there were level was the absolute emo then I'd be somewhere in level 9, gaining more PAINful experiences to reach level 10.

Honestly though, right now, I just want to disappear. My heart is in absolute, total PAIN! :'(